


Just Want To Hear You Laugh

by dizzy



Series: Trip and Stumble [13]
Category: Glee RPF, StarKid Productions RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:11:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thank you to the usual suspects: Mav, Scott, Jude. I couldn't do this without you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Want To Hear You Laugh

The semester looms in front of Chris, long and a whole lot lonely. He’s never started a semester dreading it. College, in general, has exceeded every expectation that he’s had. From the first semester of feeling like he was stepping into a new skin, to falling in love for the first time and deciding what he wanted to do with his life, every semester until now has felt like some new kind of adventure.

This time it just feels like school. Like a schedule and classes to go to and work to be done and almost like it’s just a filler, though he’s not sure what he’s really filling the time for. Not Darren to come back - well, yes, that, but at the same time not really. He wants something else, something more. 

He’s gotten used to forward momentum and he’s not ready to plateau yet.

*

Darren’s been gone for a day. Chris had driven him to the airport and they’d had an embarrassingly teary goodbye and then he’d driven back home and locked himself in the bedroom until Joey demanded to be allowed entry and then tackled him onto the bed for a force-cuddle session.

It didn’t really help, but Chris hadn’t wanted to tell Joey that. They’d rounded up Brian and the three of them had dinner at Chris’s favorite Thai place and watched movies that they let Chris pick.

It hadn’t been the worst way to spend an evening, though it hadn’t done much to distract him from the fact that Darren was on a plane headed away from him for four months. 

But today Brian and Joey are gone, both out at work, and Chris is left to a bed that feels twice as big as it should be and a room surrounded by things that give him a pang in his chest to look at.

Darren hadn’t taken much, not with the cost of luggage. Enough clothes to go a couple of weeks without washing, and his guitar. He said he’d buy whatever else he needed there, so his notebooks and the rest of his instruments are still around, his deodorant and toothpaste still clutter the bathroom. When Chris showers, he uses Darren’s shampoo even though it’s meant for curly hair, just because he wants to smell like Darren.

Then he tells himself how pathetic he’s being, and grabs his computer to send Darren an email.

*

To: “Chris” chcolfer@umich.edu  
From: “Darren” dacriss@umich.edu

Subject: benvenuto christof!

That’s hello Chris in Italian. In case you know, you didn’t know that one. See? Learning already! (okay, I knew that one already, you got me)

It feels weird that I am already in Tuesday already. Pretty sure I time traveled as I distinctly remember leaving you on a Sunday. So, hello from the future man!

It looks beautiful here, fuck Italy is gorgeous.

The ride to get here was a bitch (there was turbulence and crying babies. man, it did not look good for me back there in hour four. I almost broke out the secret stash of chocolate and that has to last me!) but it evened out and was okay the rest of the way. Sat next to this really cool chick. She’s going to Rome to study and was going on about the stuff she is looking forward to seeing and everything. She’s like some art history major or something but was talking about the architecture in Rome and it sounds really cool man. Definitely going to have to check it out. Think you’d like it too, will send pics and stuff. :D

I hope everything back there is going okay.

I miss you babe. Wish you could be here with me in sunny Italy (pretend like i’m drawing the y out for that one) and we could go get some gelato or something.

Fuck gelato.

I gotta go babe.

Love you.  
:*

Dar

*

“So tell me about Italy?” Chris says. He’s cozy and still in bed, headphones in while he watches Darren on the computer screen.

“They really like Nutella here,” Darren says immediately. “A lot.”

Chris laughs. “That’s it? That’s all you have? They like Nutella? Who wouldn’t like Nutella?”

“No, I’m serious, it’s on like, everything. You’d love it. I keep thinking, Chris has gotta try this.” Darren’s eyes are wide and excited as he talks, hands gesturing. “Oh, and this gelato place has the most kickass pistachio I’ve ever had.”

Chris makes a face at pistachio. “Gross. Eat your fill there, because once you’re back here I’m not kissing you with pistachio breath.”

“Fine,” Darren huffs. “They have other flavors, too, though. You’ll have to try the strawberry. Oh! Or the Nutella! Nutella gelato, come on, tell me that isn’t heaven to you?”

“... okay, I’ll try the Nutella.”

*

The first month passes slowly, but it passes.

Chris gets accustomed to waking up alone again.

He spends more time out of the apartment. He spends more time with Eric, with Lauren, with some of Darren’s other friends.

He makes a few friends on the newspaper staff. He develops a rapport with one of his professors, the faculty advisor most involved with the humor magazine he works on.

He has one professor that seems to utterly despise him even though he has no idea what he’s done wrong. Ashley tells him it’s okay. She tells him that everyone in college has at least one professor like that. 

He’s surprised at how easy the days are to fill, but not at how much less exciting it is when he doesn’t have the person he most wants to share things with around to talk to him.

It’s not as bad as he’d thought it would be but he still wakes up every morning and looks at the calendar on his wall that he uses to count down to Darren coming back.

*

Chris is walking from his second class of the day to Starbucks to meet Ashley for lunch when his phone rings.

It’s an unfamiliar number but he recognizes the San Francisco area code, so he answers it.

“Chris?” A voice answers, distinctive with the softened accent. “This is Cerina.”

“I - hi!” He stutters a little, caught off guard. Then it hits him that Darren’s mother is calling him and he jumps into panic mode. “Is it - is something wrong? Is Darren-”

“Oh, he’s fine, he’s fine, don’t worry. He’s Darren, probably getting into messes that he won’t tell his dear mother about,” she says. “No, I was just calling to check on you! All alone in Michigan. How are you doing?”

He spends the rest of his short walk telling her about the classes he’s taking, talking about what Darren is up to in Italy and comparing details from the emails that they get, and - for some reason - commiserating on how hard it is to make a proper pound cake that’s just moist enough. He’s not even sure how they come around to that last topic, but Chris ends up relating his own experience trying to make his mother a surprise birthday cake for her birthday when he was fourteen and how he almost set the house on fire.

“I have to go, but - it was nice to talk to you,” he says, actually sad that he does need to hang up.

“Oh, of course, of course.” She has a voice like Darren’s - one that Chris can just hear the smile in. “I’ll talk to you soon, sweetheart.”

*

To: “Chris” chcolfer@umich.edu  
From: “Darren” dacriss@umich.edu

Subject: Hey there sexy

So I was in the park earlier today, we had some free time and I was just sitting with my guitar. It helps to get my thinking muscles going to just sort of tool around on it, play little snippets of songs or whatever. So yeah, was sitting there playing with an occasional passerby tossing in a coin or two or tipping their hat and then this duck came up. Like out of nowhere. Small little fluffy white thing and it just stared at me and quacked so I moved a bit closer and then he moved closer and then I backed away and he followed a little bit.

So I started walking around and he started following me and I just kept playing my tune man, singing my little song and he waddled after me. We shared my lunch after that, he really likes pastrami apparently. Doesn’t like to share his food with his friends but its cool, we’re close now, he and I. We forged a bond that can not be unsevered. A bond of music and love of pastrami sandwiches.

I named him Harvey.

Oh yeah, we also went base jumping the other day.

I love you. :*  
Dar

*

“Are you alone?” Those are the first words out of Darren’s mouth when the skype picture blinks into existence.

Chris is already undoing his pants. “Yeah, but only for about twenty minutes, so-”

“Got it.” Darren gives him that breathless laugh and then the channel is full of the sounds of the two of them hastily undressing. They’ve become pros at this, since Darren’s roommate has a bad habit of _always_ being there and Chris is typically only really free for this when it’s the middle of the night for Darren.

Chris lets out a genuine whine at the sight of Darren’s cock in his hand, thick and rosy and shiny at the tip.

“You miss it, don’t you, baby?” Darren croons. He’s better at the dirty talk than Chris, a fact they’ve both come to accept.

“Uh huh,” Chris says, hand moving on himself. Darren keeps up the commentary - sporadic, not a steady stream but little observations, little snippets of fantasy. Mostly it’s just about watching, though; watching and remembering and closing his eyes and picturing Darren’s hand in place of his own. He uses the grip Darren likes best, goes slow like Darren does, and when he comes it’s all too easy to imagine just for the few moments of bursting pleasure that he’s not still going to be alone when he opens his eyes again.

*

 **Darren:** I see you. I see you online.  
 **Chris** Darren! I just woke up. Why aren’t you in class? It’s 2 pm there, right?  
 **Darren:** I am so impressed with your timezone conversion skills. It gets me so hot babe.  
 **Chris:** I had good motivation to learn. Don’t avoid the question.  
 **Darren:** Maybe I hung around because I wanted to talk to you. ;)  
 **Chris:** I hope not. You’re paying a lot of money to skip class in another country, if you did.  
 **Darren:** You can’t put a price on how much I miss you, Chris. :( :( :(  
 **Chris:** Idiot.  
 **Darren:** : :( I love you. :(  
 **Chris:** I love you, too. Stop overusing emoticons.  
 **Darren:** :D  
 **Chris:** I take it back. I hate you.  
 **Chris:** Darren?  
 **Chris:** Come on, you know I didn’t mean that.  
 **Darren:** I’m sulking.  
 **Chris:** I loooooooove you.  
 **Darren:** How do I know you mean it if you don’t smile afterward?  
 **Chris:** I am smiling.  
 **Darren:** With your mouth, not your fingers. I can’t see your face over an instant messenger.  
 **Chris:** Skype?  
 **Darren:** Nah I have to leave in a few.  
 **Chris:** Where are you going?  
 **Darren:** Out for a walk. I don’t know. I thought I’d take my guitar and find somewhere to try and write. Maybe I’ll go find Harvey again.  
 **Darren:** Did I tell you I had another jam session with him a few days ago?  
 **Darren:** He’s very soothing for the musical writing abilities.  
 **Chris:** Oh, yeah, for that song contest?  
 **Darren:** Yeah, I’ll find a nice tree. In the park. By Harvey’s pond.  
 **Chris:** You do like trees.  
 **Darren:** Trees are peaceful. They give good shade.  
 **Chris:** I hope you find just the right tree, then.  
 **Darren:** And then the right song.  
 **Chris:** Trees and songs... they go hand in hand.  
 **Darren:** Just like me and you?  
 **Darren:** Except lately.  
 **Darren:** It’s too hard to hold hands with all that water between us.  
 **Chris:** Now I think you’re sulking.  
 **Darren:** Maybe.  
 **Chris:** Well, I have to go get ready for class now.  
 **Darren:** Love you.  
 **Chris:** You know I love you, too.  
 **Darren:** Skype later?  
 **Chris:** I told Julia I’d sit in on her rehearsal at 4, and then I’ve got a library shift from 5 until 8. It’ll be at least 8:30 before I make it home if I don’t stop for food.  
 **Darren:** ... Julia?  
 **Chris:** Yeah... I thought I told you about that?  
 **Darren:** No...  
 **Chris:** We had dinner the other day. She asked if I wanted to shadow her with the directing process on this play she’s doing.  
 **Darren:** Is she grooming a successor? She’s good, man. You could do worse.  
 **Chris:** So should I rush home?  
 **Darren:** I don’t want you to starve, so - nine pm? Which for me would be...  
 **Chris:** Three am.  
 **Darren:** I’ll set an alarm.  
 **Chris:** Your roommate will kill you.  
 **Darren:** I’ll hide in the bathroom.  
 **Chris:** You are an idiot. That I love.  
 **Darren:** Go.

*

“So, Christopher. We need to talk.” Joey sits down across from him at their table. He’s wearing a tank top and boxers and his hair is a complete mess.

It’s two in the afternoon.

“What?” Chris is immediately a little wary. Living with Brian and Joey has actually gone pretty smoothly but he’s always aware for the potential of roommate discord. He starts to run through a list of potential offenses.

“Next weekend. You, me, Brian, Walker, Rosenthal, Dylan, and Moses. One night of drunken revelry.”

That’s not what Chris was expecting to hear.

“We’re hitting the cabin. Guys night. You need this, and even if you don’t, I do. Midterms kicked my ass and I want to be far away from campus for a weekend.”

Chris is already shaking his head. “I don’t know if-”

“ _Chris_ ,” Joey whines. “You gotta come.”

“Why?” Chris asks, curious. “Why would you want me there?”

The question obviously isn’t one Joey is prepared for. “I don’t know, dude. Because you’re Chris. You’re one of the guys, and it’s a guy’s weekend.”

Chris looks down at his cereal bowl. Soggy cheerios float on top of the half-drained milk. He’s hard pressed to find any positives in Darren being gone. He can see the positives for Darren, sure; exposure to a new country, a new layer to his education - those are amazing. For Darren. But for Chris? There’s no silver lining. Or at least, there hasn’t been.

But Darren isn’t here, and one of those niggling little questions in the back of his mind has just been answered, one concern laid to rest. That whisper of self-doubt that always told him if Darren weren’t around, none of these people would really want to hang out with him.

But Darren isn’t here. Darren isn’t here, and he’s _one of the guys_. “Okay,” he says, looking back up. “I’ll go.”

*

Darren has an account with a photo sharing service, and he uses it constantly.

From the first day he’s there Chris can check in at any point and see what he’s up to. It’s as mundane as meals and as exciting as video performances. He sees Darren’s room and his roommate, he sees the friends Darren is making. He sees what his classrooms look like, what the campus looks like, what the town looks like. He sees flowers that seem to have no significance at all and someone’s pet dog and things written in Italian that he has to search out translations for online.

Harvey is a frequent guest star, sometimes even videos of him wobbling along the ground or nibbling bread or just sitting and staring at Darren while Darren sings or coos at him.

Darren uploads pictures just for Chris, too. He’ll scribble a note in the corner of a sheet of paper and take a picture of it. One day he writes a note on the back of a puzzle box and at the very bottom is a little heart with D on one side and C on the other.

Sometimes it makes him sad. Sometimes it makes missing Darren worse. Some days he doesn’t even want to check it, because he feels lost and out of touch. But most of the days it just makes him smile.

*

The guy’s weekend does, despite Chris’s misgivings, end up being fun.

It’s mostly fun because the girls crash it en masse, half a dozen of them swooping in and taking over the tv (saving Chris from football), bringing delicious drinks that don’t taste like week old piss (mojitos are his new favorite, but he’ll deny it if he’s asked), and generally providing better conversation while certainly smelling nicer.

He and Lauren end up in a bed together whispering until four in the morning. Meredith is passed out snoring in the other bed in the room, and he doesn’t want to know who Jaime disappeared into one of the master suites with. Then the conversation lulls he can hear the squeaking of the bedsprings through the wall that the two bedrooms share.

“Oh my God,” Lauren giggles. “Chris, why aren’t you straight so I could have a juicy story to tell about this weekend?”

Chris snickers. “I’m sorry. I don’t even think I could get it up for a girl.”

“With how many of those mojitos you had? I don’t think you could get it up for - uh. Who is your celebrity crush? Whoever it is. I bet you couldn’t get it up for them.”

“Uhmm.” Chris scrunches his face up and thinks. “JK Rowling. I have a brain crush on her.”

“Not a girl!” Lauren slaps him on the arm. “Like an eye candy crush. Jerk off material.”

“I don’t jerk off,” Chris says, very primly.

“No you have Darren do it for you.”

“Fuck... I miss him jerking me off.” Chris sighs deeply. “I miss it a lot. I miss sex. Am I some sort of deviant for how much I miss sex?”

“With Darren? No, you’re just human. If I were tapping that, I’d probably be hopping a plane to Italy for a quickie.”

Chris frowns. He’s not sure he likes that. Something defensive and possessive unfurls in him, aided by the alcohol.

“Hey, calm down, tiger.” She reaches up and bops his nose. “I ain’t got designs on your man. Claws back in. I just meant he’s good looking and probably kinky as hell.”

“Mmm... yeah...” Chris closes his eyes, instantly sleepy and drifting between awake and not-quite-dreaming. “I miss him in bed. The bed is too big without him there. And it’s cold. I didn’t realize how much of a furnace he was.”

He feels a warmth against his side and a much smaller arm across his chest. “Well, I’m no furnace but you got me tonight, Colfer.”

He smiles and turns onto his side, cuddling her back. His voice goes soft and murky even as he says, “Night, Laur.”

*

To: “Chris” chcolfer@umich.edu  
From: “Darren” dacriss@umich.edu

Subject: Wish you were here with me

First of all, I want to say, I love Italy. Really, I do. There are so many new experiences and different ways of doing things and thinking of things that this trip, it just opens your _mind_ up, you know? So I don’t ever want to be like this sucks or anything but fucking hell I miss you babe. I kinda forgot what it was like to go through a day and not just have you there right by me, at least a phone call away to say that Joey tripped over a squirrel or Moses wants to do that wing night again even if it will end badly and ... yeah.

I hope you’re doing all that. Tripping Joey with squirrels and doing wing nights with Moses and making fun of Walker’s abs (if you haven’t yet, make fun of them or else he gets a big head). I mean I try to keep up with Facebook as much as possible and keep an ear to what’s going on. Which reminds me, that new project of Matt’s sounds like it ought to be good. Saw you two talking it out on your wall. Exciting stuff. You’ll have to tell me more about it.

So I wrote a song the other day when I was at the park with Harvey. It’s not really much, I turned it into a song contest but I don’t know how it will go. I think it might be too much...? Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll send it to you but its probably not the best I’ve written.

Okay, I’m getting glares now and fuck when did it become 3 AM?? Okay yeah maybe I should go to bed.

Okay, night Chris.

I love you.  
Dar :*

*

The only true breakdown he has comes after reading that email. 

He sits in his bedroom with tears dripping down his cheeks, and then he gets up, gets dressed, and goes to the grocery store and then straight on to Ashley’s apartment. It’s almost ten pm but when he shows up with a cheesecake in his hand and the expression on his face she lets him in without saying a word. 

*

Chris makes two lists in a notebook.

Good things to tell Darren about:  
\- Second prize in the essay contest, getting him a $500 scholarship for the next semester.  
\- His weekly phone calls with Cerina and how she referred to him as ‘practically one of her boys’ the week before.  
\- Joey finishing all of the bean burritos and agreeing not to buy any more for at least a month. The month will be over by the time Darren gets home, but he’ll still recognize it as a minor victory.  
\- Hannah’s two month mark without being hospitalized unexpectedly.  
\- The litter of kittens Beatrice had, complete with a dozen photos. They’re soft and a mix of orange-white and grey-white and Chris is already in love with the little one with the crooked tail. They’ll be just old enough to give away by the time Darren gets back.  
\- The dildo he bought online during one of his more extreme fits of missing Darren. When he used it the first time and the shock of how hard he came clenching around it and pretending he wasn’t alone.

Bad things to tell Darren about:  
\- Accidentally dropping his phone on the cement and having to get a new one.  
\- The weekend he spent comforting Ashley through a bad breakup with a guy she’d been seeing since the start of the summer.  
\- The kitten that didn’t make it. Burying her in a little plot of land, with a headstone that one of the prop guys made for him.  
\- The awful opening night, where nothing went right and half of the problems were his fault.  
\- The food poisoning incident, and why it’ll be a while before he wants to go back to San Fu. Though the way Joey kept checking on him and bringing him water might need to go in the good column.

*

Chris has already drifted back to sleep twice waiting on Darren, but he jerks awake again when hears the muted ringing of an incoming call.

He shoves his fingers against the keys to accept it and then forces his eyes open to see Darren, who looks like he’s sitting outside somewhere.

“Someone looks sleepy,” Darren’s voice teases him. Warmth floods Chris’s chest and he smiles.

“Worth it.” He forces himself to sit up, running his fingers through his head. “I’ll just go to bed early tonight.”

They’ve tried and tried to find times to talk that work for both of them during daylight hours, but their class schedules are perfectly out of sync and once Chris settled more into the semester, the hours between the end of class and bed seemed to evaporate in a whirlwind of meetings, deadlines, homework, library shifts, and rehearsals.

So every Thursday Chris wakes up at four in the morning (ten in the morning, for Darren) and they have an hour - an hour of no interruptions, since Darren has no class until eleven.

Four am does have the unfortunate side effect of making him, for some reason, more emotional. Maybe it’s because it’s so quiet, maybe it’s because it’s the time that they talk - really talk - and it sticks with him all day long.

So Thursdays are the worst. Thursdays are the loneliest. But they’re also the best, because he gets this. “I can’t wait until you come home.” The words burst out of his mouth.

Darren’s expression softens. “I know.”

“A month.” Chris stares at the computer screen.

“Twenty seven days,” Darren says.

Chris smiles. “You’re counting down the days?”

“Fuck yes I am.” Darren swallows hard enough that Chris can see his adam’s apple bob with it. “I miss you so fucking much.”

“I miss you too,” Chris says, breathless with how much he feels right now. He can’t name the expression on Darren’s face but if he had to guess he’d almost say it was relief.

*

Chris can tell something’s wrong by the sound of Darren’s voice, but he’s not sure how to ask.

He tries - he doesn’t want to push it, though. When Darren won’t just say what it is, Chris changes the subject to something happier. “We’ve got the script for the Harry Potter musical done. Nick and Matt want to hold auditions the first week of January, so you’ll be back in plenty of time.”

“Oh, they don’t already have someone in mind?”

“Actually, Matt kind of wants you,” Chris says. “But I’m not supposed to let that slip.”

“I heard nothing,” Darren promises. He actually starts to sound a little excited. “What about you?”

“There’s not really a part for me,” Chris says. “But I’m okay with that. I really liked helping out with the production side of Julia’s play so I might just stick with script help on this one. It needs a lot of editing still or it’ll end up being six hours long. We’re looking into theater times in early February for rehearsals right now and figuring out when we can book it for the run. Well... I am.”

“Damn,” Darren says, sounding impressed. ”You’ve got this shit covered.”

Chris is slightly embarrassed. “Matt and Nick needed some help. They want you for some of the music, too, even if something happens and you don’t end up playing Harry.”

“Oh yeah?” Darren definitely perks up at that. “I can do that, for sure.”

“So now tell me about your classes,” Chris says, and sits back to listen.

Today Darren isn’t full of his normal stories, though. Today he just shrugs and says, “Not much going on.”

“Darren, you’re in Italy,” Chris says.

“Italy can have boring days, too!”

“But _you_ can’t.”

“Who says?” He’s smiling a little.

“Me.” Chris keeps playing it up. “You aren’t allowed to have boring days, because you didn’t go all the way to another country to be bored. And if you did, then I’d be pissed off, because you could have been bored and stayed right here with me.”

Darren seems to take it much more seriously than Chris had intended, frowning and looking down.

Chris instantly feels bad. “Hey-”

“No, no.” Darren looks up and smiles. “I get what you mean. And you’re right. I’m moping and I don’t even know why.”

“So go out - do something fun,” Chris insists. “Try something you’ve never tried before. And then tell me every single detail.”

Darren’s smile grows. “You’re hot when you get authoritative.”

“Oh yeah?” Chris winks. “I’ll have to remember that. Now go!”

“But we’re supposed to have half an hour left,” Darren argues.

“I could use the time to study.” Chris holds up the textbook beside him. “I was going to right after the call.”

“But...” Darren is frowning again. “Chris, man. I barely get to talk to you as it is.”

“How about... you go for a couple of hours? I don’t have study group tonight, so I’ll still be here.”

“Promise?” Darren asks.

“Darren.” Chris smiles. “I swear.”

*

When Darren doesn't make their skype date, Chris is worried. When he doesn't reply to the email Chris sends either, he's the worry ratchets up a notch. Joey tells him chill but there's a little thread of doubt in his voice and when pressed he admits that he can't imagine any reason Darren would miss talking to Chris, since he's been pretty religious about it the entire time he's been gone.

That's why Chris answers the phone when the international number shows up. "Darren?" He says right away.

"So, uh. Um." Darren is slurring slightly. "Your boyfriend is an idiot, Chris."

"Are you drunk?" Chris asks, annoyance peaking at the thought. "You could have emailed-"

"No, no, nonono," Darren hurries to say. "No, sorry, they just - good meds. Medicine. Good pills."

"Medicine? Darren, what did you do?"

"Unicycles." Darren says. "I suck at them. Apparently. I know this now."

"Darren-" Chris wants to laugh. "What did you _do_?"

"Broke my wrist. It's not that bad. It's not even really broken. Like - fractured? Yeah. I have this thing to wear for like a month or something. Or six weeks, I don't know. I'll still be in it when I get back home." He sounds sad suddenly. "I can't wait to get back home."

"I can't wait to have you back. Hold on." Chris looks over at Joey. "He broke his wrist trying to ride a unicycle."

Joey just nods. "As one does."

"I'm gonna go-" Chris jerks his head toward the bedroom. Joey just waves him on.

"Okay, I'm back," Chris says. "How long can we talk? Should I get my computer?"

"Half hour calling card." Darren sounds a little more distant now. "I’m not... no computer.Um, I called my mom, so - twenty minutes maybe? Fifteen, now?"

Chris settles on the bed. "Does it hurt?"

"It does," Darren says quietly. "Or - my wrist? Oh. No. Good meds."

"Darren...." Chris sighs and lays down on Darren's side of the bed. The pillowcase doesn't smell like him anymore. "What did you mean, it does?"

"Being gone hurts." He hears Darren's voice go shaky in a way he's not used to. "I didn't think it would hurt."

"You're homesick? You've only got a few weeks to go," Chris reminds him. "But I miss you, too."

"It's like... this is amazing, being here is amazing, but I wish you were here, too. I feel weird knowing I'll have all these memories that you aren't a part of."

"But if we always did everything together, that would be boring," Chris says. "I like it when you have stories to tell me."

"You have lots of stories. Lots of stuff you're doing without me."

"Yeah." Chris senses he needs to tread carefully here. "But that's only because I knew if I didn't keep myself busy I'd be miserable missing you."

"You're not miserable." It's not a question, just a statement.

"Neither are you." Chris knows it - he knows Darren has been a little sad sometimes, but he knows that there have been just as many happy conversations and days where Darren's emails just burst with new adventures.

"No... I'm not. But it's still weird, because... I am. How am I miserable and happy at the same time? It's like - it's just. Missing. I miss you and it doesn't go away." He says the last part urgently, like a point he needs to make.

"Good," Chris says, a bit selfishly. "I'd be sad if it did. Me missing you doesn't go away, either."

"I don't want to be gone from you this long again," Darren says. "Can we just - make a vow?"

"A vow? Aw, are you proposing?" Chris teases. It really is just that - just a joke. But then Darren doesn't answer quite as fast as Chris would have expected, doesn't laugh like Chris thinks he will. "Darren?"

"No," Darren says, belatedly. "Not like that. But... I've been thinking, you know. I want us to... be more? I guess. I don't know. Fuck, my brain feels like it's full of silly putty. Pink and stretchy. Brainy puddy."

"Darren," Chris laughs. "Back on track?"

"Oh, yeah. I want - move in with me?"

"... Darren, I already live with you. What exactly did they give you for the pain?"

"Shut up. I mean, I want to get our own place. I actually, I looked it up online, the other night. There are some one bedrooms in the same place we're in now and they're like three hundred bucks a month cheaper. We wouldn't be paying all that much more than we are now, and if you need some help my folks are still giving me money every month-"

"You want us to get our own place?" Chris feels like someone just stole his breath away.

"Yeah. I do. I want like... I want a fucking home with you. I love the guys, but I want a place that's just us. We can get a cat! I love cats. Cats fucking rock. Cats are like-"

"Darren," Chris interrupts him, because an eye on the clock tells him the call is probably about to cut off. "My answer is yes. Though if you decide later when you aren't high on painkillers that you don't really want to, that's okay."

"I won't," Darren promises. "I swear."

"But if you do, it's fine," Chris repeats. "And if you still mean it, then I'll go talk to the landlord and see if there's anything available for January."

"I-" There's a brief pause. "Oh, two minute warning. Fuck. I don't want to hang up."

"It's okay. I'll be online later, okay? And no more unicycles. Actually, stay away from bicycles, too. And tricycles. Anything with cycle in it."

"What about popsicles?"

"... that's not the sa-" Chris rolls his eyes, then realizes there's not much point right now. "Okay, those are fine. Now go and email me when you wake up from your nap. "

"I'm not gonna-" He breaks off to yawn. "Oh. A nap does sound good. Love you, Chris."

"I love you, too."

*

To: “Chris” chcolfer@umich.edu  
From: “Darren” dacriss@umich.edu

Subject: Love love love all you need is love

I know you think it was all the percocet and the vicodin talking but this is me post nap and post-drugs with a throbbing wrist and a killer headache saying, fuck Chris, I want to make a home with you. A tiny home that is full of just our stuff and is not the defacto hang out for half of our friends and cast mates and doesn’t have Brian’s shoes everywhere, but my shoes everywhere. I want that home with you and I want it as soon as I can and I will burrow myself there and never want to leave.

_Mi manchi. Con te non mi sento solo. Ti amo._

Dar :*

*

Chris goes to the landlord that Monday to ask about the one-bedroom apartments.

He walks out with the paperwork in his hand and butterflies in his stomach.

*

For the first time he can recall, Chris spends the month of December counting down to something besides finals being over.

Since their conversation the day Darren broke his wrist, the amount of emails and instant messenger conversations and skype chats had increased dramatically.

They’re both excited. They’ve both got plans, and they can’t wait to take the first steps into them together. But no amount of whispered late night conversations can make that happen any faster, so Chris makes Darren promise to enjoy his last week in Italy.

He needs the time for himself, anyway. He needs to focus on study groups without wanting to check his email every ten minutes and to wrap up all of the loose ends he has so that when Darren does come back he can let everything else turn into background noise.

Just thinking of seeing Darren again after four months makes his heart start to race. He can’t remember the last time he wanted something so badly he could almost taste it. (Except that maybe the last thing he wanted this badly was Darren, when they first met.)

They don’t actually talk much that last week. When his tests do start they seem to all pass in a blur all at once. He’s sure that his GPA won’t be challenging anyone for top of his classes but he’s not worried about failing. The study groups have helped, the extra time in the math lab to kick Algebra and be done with his core classes, the extra tutoring sessions with Bonnie. It’s rewarding to know that from here out every class he takes will be toward graduation.

He doesn’t tell Joey and Brian about moving in with Darren. He thinks they’ll understand, though. The apartment has apparently been a revolving door of theater kids since Darren started school. If they can’t find a new roommate, he and Darren have already discussed borrowing from their parents to make sure they can offer help on January’s, but telling them without Darren there felt like jinxing it.

He’s not going to do anything to jinx this.

*

Darren’s flight gets in at three in the afternoon.

There’s a little group there to welcome him back, ready to usher him to the apartment where there’s an even bigger group waiting for him with a much more enthusiastic welcome. It’s the kind of welcome with cake and alcohol and pizza, the kind of welcome Darren always appreciates.

Meredith spots him first, squealing and jumping. There’s Darren - short and easily lost in a crowd of people, but emerging with that energetic posture than Chris remember. He’s exactly how Chris has expected: guitar over his back, smile on his face, and eyes that don’t leave Chris from the second they land on him.

He puts the guitar and his other carry on down immediately. There’s no lunging hug, not with Darren’s arm still in the cast, but that doesn’t dull the force behind it any. Chris feels his eyes sting and fill with tears and he buries his face in Darren’s shoulder, squeezing him so that Darren can barely breathe.

It doesn’t matter because Darren is holding him back just as tightly, and when Lauren finally playfully pries them apart. “My turn!” She says, and jumps on Darren’s back.

Chris has to take a few steps away while Darren greets everyone else. He surreptitiously wipes his eyes and just looks his fill. The cast on his wrist is new, the t-shirt he’s wearing is one Chris hasn’t seen before, but none of that matters.

It’s _Darren_.

And as soon as Darren has said hi to everyone else he spins back around and pulls Chris into another hug, arm carefully held out behind him. They haven’t even said a word to each other yet, but then Darren gasps his name in this low voice, almost like he’s desperate, and Chris is right back on the verge of tears.

“Miss me?” He asks, turning his face. Darren answers him with a kiss, mouth warm and sweet.

“More than anything,” Darren says. “More than you know.”

“Darren.” Chris can’t get close enough. “I know.”

*

They don’t let go of each other the entire way home. They sit in the back seat with no space between them. Darren has Chris’s hand in his lap, playing with his fingers. When Chris looks over, his eyes are closed.

“How was the flight?” Chris asks.

“Fine.” Darren opens his eyes and smiles. His hair is shorter than Chris is used to. “I’m exhausted. Didn’t sleep last night.”

“Waited until last minute to pack?” Chris guesses.

Darren gives him a cute little shrug. “You know me. But I also wanted to try and kick the jet lag early on, so I figured if I didn’t sleep I’d be able to pass out at the right time tonight.”

“Smart.” Chris leans on Darren’s shoulder. He feels the warm pressure of Darren resting his cheek against the top of Chris’s head and it makes him smile. “Can I just kidnap you tonight?”

“No!” Joey says. “I’m sympathetic to the plight of lovers separated by immeasurable distance, but no.”

“I’m starving, anyway,” Darren says. Then he whispers, “We’ll eat whatever food they have out and then you can kidnap me.”

“Good plan,” Chris agrees.

*

They try.

They try really hard to enjoy the party and Chris tries to let Darren catch up with his friends, but they make it barely an hour before he’s grabbing Darren by the belt loops on his jeans and dragging him backwards into the hallway.

“Hi,” Darren gasps, cupping Chris’s face and pulling him in for a kiss.

“Bedroom?” Chris asks. “Please?”

It’s not just that he wants to get Chris naked, he just wants him alone, just for a minute.

“Please,” Darren echoes, and they make their way in, locking the door.

Inside the bedroom Darren seems to forget about everything else for a few moments, though. He looks around with this smile on his face, like he’s surprised to be here.

“Darren?” Chris asks.

“It looks the same.” Darren hops onto the bed, bouncing in the middle and then turning over and sprawling out. “I guess I shouldn’t get used to it again, though.”

Chris jumps onto the bed on top of Darren, straddling him. He smiles so hard that his face hurts, and he tries to kiss Darren but it doesn’t really work since Darren is smiling just as widely. Then they both stop smilingly and they’re kissing instead, deeper and less restrained than before.

“Please don’t leave me like that again,” Chris asks. He hates himself for saying it because he’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t. He’d sworn he wouldn’t make Darren feel bad for leaving, not at any point, but now that Darren is here he has to.

“I won’t, I won’t,” Darren promises, kissing him again. “Chris, baby. I won’t.”

He’s not crying but he feels dampness on his face. He pulls back and sees that it’s Darren. “Oh,” he says softly, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. “Darren.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not - I’m happy. I’m happy to be back, and I fucking _missed you_ , it’s okay, I don’t even know why-” He draws in a jagged breath. “I don’t know why I’m crying like a fucking baby about it.”

“You’re not. I missed you, too.” Chris rolls off of Darren and stretches out beside him. They kiss again, a close-lipped press that lingers. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Darren turns onto his side and rests his head on Chris’s shoulder.

Darren falls asleep like that, which shouldn’t surprise Chris at all. It’s almost eight - earlier than a normal bedtime but he doesn’t want to wake him again.

He goes back out to the party just long enough to tell everyone that Darren won’t be back. In the bedroom he wakes Darren just long enough to get help undressing him and then gets back in bed with him.

“Isn’t this early for you?” Darren asks. His arms tell a different story, wrapping around Chris as he snuggles in close. He goes carefully but still winces a little bit when his hurt arm settles.

“No,” Chris says, ignoring that it isn’t even nine pm yet and he’s wide awake. The idea of doing nothing but holding Darren while he sleeps for a few hours seems like a perfect use of time to Chris.

Darren doesn’t sleep that long, though. He wakes with a full body jerk that makes Chris tighten his arms reflexively. “Darren?”

Their friends are quieter outside now, a dull murmur of voices talking with the music turned down low to not wake them up.

“Dreaming,” Darren murmurs, voice sleep-thickened. He moves his head a little and kisses the underside of Chris’s jaw. “About you.”

“What about?” Chris asks, fingers petting through Darren’s hair.

“Lost my plane ticket and couldn’t ever get another one,” Darren says. “TSA was a dick and I couldn’t see you again.”

“Well, that one isn’t coming true. The TSA part, maybe, but me?” Chris smiles. “Open your eyes and I’m right here.”

Darren lifts himself up on one elbow beside Chris and meets his gaze. “And gorgeous.”

“No, you,” Chris protests with a smile, and then they’re kissing - more, this time. Deeper, and more.

Chris feels Darren hard against his hip and all at once he’s tingling with want and almost desperate need. Darren’s hand strokes up his side, fingers splayed wide like he wants to touch as much as he can all at once. He pushes into Chris’s body, the two of them pressed up close together before Darren throws his leg over Chris’s hip. The kiss slows as Darren’s hand travels up, his fingers going through Chris’s hair as they both take a moment.

Darren rests his forehead against Chris’s and sharing breath. “I’m so fucking glad to be home.”

“I’m so glad you’re home.” Chris gives in the words that want to tumble out of his mouth. “I want to feel you.”

It’s so cheesy, it’s such a bad line, but god it’s so true right now. Darren’s responding grin is also cheesy but he rolls his hips into Chris, making him laugh at the lewd wiggle of them.

“Yeah? Feel me?” He leans in and presses another kiss to Chris’s lips. “I can make that happen,” Darren says, lips still against Chris’s own. 

“Fuck me,” Chris whispers, heart tapping fast on his chest at asking for it like this. He knows Darren won’t say no, but - somehow it’s still scary. “Please.”

The realization on Darren’s face, the surprise and arousal are almost pay-off enough. They don’t do it this way often, but Darren has to see how much he wants it right now.

“You don’t have to say please, baby,” Darren says. He’s already pushing his underwear off. They tangle together under the covers, getting naked at the same time. Darren reaches over for the lube in the drawer it’s always been in, but comes up empty. “Where-”

“Oh, sorry,” Chris says. “I moved it closer to me.”

Darren pinches his hip. “Mean.”

He leans over to the drawer closest to Chris. When he opens it, his eyes go wide. “Chris?”

“Oh, -” Chris swallows hard when he sees what Darren is looking at. “I have - I bought...I bought that. I fucked myself with it and pretended it was you.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Darren swears, kissing him hard on the mouth while his hips rut forward into Chris’s. “That is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard, but-”

“It’s good,” Chris whispers in his ear, teasing a little. “It’s so good but you’re better.”

Darren shudders over him. “I’m gonna fuck you now.”

Chris reaches over and his fingers close around the lube, thrusting it toward Darren. Something else, something he has to ask. “Condoms?”

Darren shakes his head. “Chris. No.”

Chris kisses him hard on the mouth again, reaching down to wrap his fingers around Darren’s cock. Darren groans and thrusts into his fingers, once, twice, before pushing Chris away. “Been too long, not going to take too much,” he warns Chris.

“Here, lay down.” Darren tugs on Chris’ arm and arranges him on the bed, laying on his stomach, head laying on his folded arms. Darren runs his hands down the slope of Chris’s back, down to his ass and squeezing it. He leans in and follows the path with his lips, kissing as much of Chris’s skin as he can. His injured arm - mostly healed now, but still wrapped - rests along Chris’s side, fingers tracing little patterns on his skin.

“You’re the one that spent the last day on planes,” Chris says, smiling into his arm. “I feel like I should be pampering you.”

“Getting to touch you like this is pampering me.” Darren’s lips land on the small of his back and Chris gasps, not sure how such a little touch can feel so good.

Then neither of them talk for a few minutes. Darren gets the lube open and stretches him with a gentle kind of purpose.

He doesn’t stop until Chris whispers, “Now, please.”

He turns over and Darren is on him, warm and a little bit sweaty, perfect weight and pressure grounding him. Chris wraps his arms around Darren’s neck and spreads his legs wide, tenting the blankets over them and leaving their bodies in the cozy little pocket created. He breathes steady and deep, in and out, while Darren lines himself up and pushes in.

Darren’s resulting groan is deep and low as he presses his face into the crook of Chris’s neck as his hips push down and into Chris. He breathes in and they both take a moment adjusting and feeling him fully seated inside. Then Darren pulls his hips back and begins pushing forward, fucking him slow and deep.

“You feel so good.” Chris grunts a little when Darren goes in just right, arms tightening around Darren’s neck. “Oh, fuck - Darren.”

“Yeah? You like that?” Darren asks, exertion obvious in his voice. The broken wrist rests carefully on the bed so he doesn’t jostle it too much, but his elbow supports his weight and he doesn’t seem bothered by it. He doesn’t seem focused on anything except what Chris is saying.

“I wanted this so much while you were gone. I didn’t even know how much I wanted it until... until you weren’t here, and I- oh- I couldn’t-”

“Fuck-” That catches Darren off guard and he goes in a little harder, staying there grinding forward. “Oh. Shit. Chris, you can’t just - shit.”

Chris laughs, lips pressed against Darren’s ear. His hips buck upward. “Move, please.”

“You can’t just _say_ things like that baby.” He grunts and thrusts into Chris again, his pace speeding up. He licks his lips before leaning over, pressing his chest to Chris’s, their bodies almost completely touching like this. “Can I see...?” He asks, whispering directly into Chris’s ear.  
“Later,” Chris says. Then he repeats it because they can do this later. Because this isn’t a quick call or skype session, because this is real and Darren isn’t going away again. “I just want you right now.”

“You got me,” Darren says. “And, fuck. Fuck, Chris, I’m so close. Shit - I’m sorry.”

Chris reaches between them and starts to work himself there too.

Darren is quick to bat Chris’s hand out of the way, sitting up and taking his cock in hand and doing it himself. Chris has no idea how Darren has the ability to jerk him off and still fuck him so perfectly, but it feels so good and he feels so connected to Darren right now. “Please,” he whimpers. “Talk to me. I want to hear you.”

He’s greedy. He wants everything right now. He wants every part of Darren he can get surrounding him, including his voice.

“God, you’re so gorgeous baby. So gorgeous and fuck you feel so good and god, missed this, missed you around me and I’m never fucking leaving you again.” Darren falls on Chris’s mouth, kissing him hard as he thrusts deep into Chris and jerks him off harder, faster, wanting Chris to fall apart beneath him.

Chris tries to hold out as long as he can - but it isn’t that long at all. Too much time has passed, he’s too turned on and he feels too much. He comes with a gasp between them, like he’d forgotten that was actually going to happen, but once he’s coasting down his world re-centers back on Darren. “Do it,” he whispers, lips on Darren’s jaw to feel the stubble and taste the sweat. “Come in me, I want to feel you.”

Darren groans hard at Chris’s words and it doesn’t take too long, just two hard, deep thrusts in, for Darren to be right there. He lets go, screwing his hips hard into Chris as he comes, his cock jerking inside him. “Fuck, fuck, oh god--” He moans, biting down on Chris’s shoulder to keep his groaning and moaning from getting _too_ loud.

Once done, he flops onto Chris, unable to hold himself up any longer. Their bodies sated and sticky and exhausted with come drying between them but neither of them care.

“Are you okay?” Chris asks, meaning his wrist, mostly, but a little bit of everything else, too.

Darren nuzzles closer to Chris and says, “I feel amazing.”

“Mmm... me too.” Chris sighs and turns his head just enough to kiss the first thing he comes to, Darren’s temple. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Darren’s hand rubs lazily circles on Chris’s skin, just above his still-racing heart. “Welcome home to me.”


End file.
